Secrets of Cycling Revealed - Kneesocks!


In the interests of furthering the knowledge of the lost arts of our sport, here some of the ancient secrets of cycling are revealed! In this installment - the power of Kneesocks!



Secret Number One - they make you lighter!
Yes, of course. Kneesocks are smaller than their bulkier cousins, tights, leggings, knickers, etc. Since they are smaller, it stands to reason that they are unquestionably lighter. And as every cyclist knows, anything that makes you lighter, also makes you faster!










Secret Number Two - they ward off dogs!
Man's best friend, swept up in the chase, prepares to sink its teeth in a tender calf only to be mesmerized, confused or distracted by the swirl of bright colors, and breaks off the attack. The spinning defense of kneesocks proves to be too powerful!











Secret Number Three - they let you dress-down motorists!
Seriously now, motorists do not dress like this, and even if they did, they could never carry it off with this much style, no?













Secret Number Four - they attract the ladies!
Yessir, you can be old and fat and bald and prone to face-plants, but a colorful pair of kneesocks will never fail to draw the attention of the fair sex! (It is certain that there are women out there who exhibit this tendency. They don't read this blog, of course, but that doesn't mean they're not out there. Somewhere.)

Not Fucking Funny!

Okay, not to sound like a potty-mouthed bitch but that fucking mcdonalds commercial with the Big Mouth Bass singing that lame-ass song is NOT FUNNY!!! I was at the dog run the other day in Tompkins and I heard this yuppie girl explaining to her boy-toy how gosh darned FUNNY that commercial is! To his credit, he didn't really seem amused..The more bored he seemed, the more the girl was like,"But it's a FISH! and it's singing to give it back its filet of fish!"

That song is not funny, it's not catchy, and mcdonalds does not need any more money. I feel lame giving that company this much attention really, but it is April Fools Day so why not rant about fools?


There was even a segment on Rachel Ray with the actors from the commercial just sitting talking about the fucking great commercial they did. Is everyone really this hard up for comedy? Goddamit, go watch Mr. Show or something..or even listen to the Jerky Boys.


I've written commercials that are WAY funnier than that one. Like the one where there is a serial killer and he's sitting at the breakfast table eating a bowl of cereal..Then a door opens and Abraham Lincoln walks in! He starts talking about how neat his tall hat is and the benefits of eating bananas..and then...well-nevermind. I won't ruin the rest-it'll be airing on TV soon enough!


In the meantime, you can look at this: