Again.

I'm suddenly overwhelmed by a sense of deja-vu. Haven't I been here before?

I may be just incapable of really being with someone. I have instant crushes and seasonal intensity, but they never last. I get hurt everytime, but I plunge myself into the exact same situation again and again, and now I can't help wondering whether I cared at all. The whole temporary thing? I always say it's unfortunate and unfair, but perhaps there's the twisted attraction. It's disturbing to look at it from that way, isn't it?

Of course, because I just can't handle the day-to-day-relationship.

I had long distance before, and I convinced myself I wouldn't want to be in that situation again, because it's hard enough without the separation as it is. A few months later, I went to the States and I met someone whom I really liked. Then, I had to come back home and could only keep in touch with this person through skype calls, text messages and internet chats. After that, during a night out around three months ago, I got to know someone who reminded me so much of this guy from the States; same taste of movies and jokes, geekiness and just the ability to completely engage me in conversations. We became really good friends and it's the closest I've been to anyone on daily basis without the drama of going back and fourth, once-a-month-trip just to be able to see each other, or anything of that sort. It has been completely normal, comforting and fun. He is here, but only until next month. I mean, realize the irony in all this?

Somehow this happens again. Is it just a purely mean but random coincidence? I'm starting to think that I am the problem.

"Oh, you live here? Boring. You're here temporarily? Okay, I like you." You've got to be nuts.

Anyway, I'm not even complaining about this or dwelling about what has happened. It never actually bothered me before, I don't really think of it that way. I guess, what I'm feeling is that it sucks badly that I have to lose another good friend, that yet another person has to go away. We'll still be friends, I mean, of course we are. But that's as far as it's ever going to get, because there's not even a chance for it to be anything else, you know? Not saying that I want to, but just like, theoratically speaking.

We're bummed out, but there's nothing we can do about it. Maybe I am that strange or maybe it's just a random thing, either way it still sucks. I feel like I'm back to the same spot as I was last year. In the airport everytime I had to say goodbye to the ex, in that room in San Fran when the States guy left. I'm sort of having these similar emotions.

And I don't like it at all.

New things this week

1. I started twittering. Well, I've actually joined Twitter eons ago, but never really updated it since. In fact, my first entry there was in July last year when I wrote, "talking to my wonderful boyfriend, convincing him that Jason Mraz is cooler than ice cubes." Whoa, memorable enough? Anyway, if you do have twitter, please add me up, I wanna follow you! User's name is xteena21. I have to warn you though, that..[see next point.]

2. My life is not exactly exciting at the moment. (Yes, this deserves an entire number in itself. I can't even elaborate. Sad!)

3. I promise, though, that I won't just be writing 'I'm washing my hair', 'I'm having chicken rice for dinner', 'I'm peeing, be back in five' or anything of that sort in Twitter.

4. I made appointment for hair coloring today, and I was informed that the next available slot is on May 4th! What the, son of a biscuit! Who knew hair coloring is such a high demand? It's like, lining up for boob-job or something. At least with that I wouldn't be surprised.

5. One of my dearest friend is leaving Singapore for good, well, it's time for him to head back and make his country proud. How patriotic. That sucks though, because that means losing another good friend. I hate goodbyes.

6. I've watched excessive House lately, the whole first season in two days!

7. I wrote a long post on my thoughts on American Idol, because I love this season, but ended up deleting it 'cos it was too dorky, and nobody would even care about my love for Danny Gokey simply because of his uber cute glasses.

8.

When we met up in town. Hong's got a new haircut and it's funny 'cos we had the whole yellow-black thing going on accidentally enough.

9.

Blowing off some steam at Atticca and Zouk. It was such a fun night, we met other bunch of friends and danced our socks off.

10. I'm in love with the new apartment! I make excuse to go there eventhough there's nothing in it yet! Can't wait to see once it's furnished.

And then there's the great dinner at Dempsey, drinks at Emerald Hill, and buffet lunch at RajahInn. Man, no wonder I gained so much weight. Ah yes, I should put the gaining-weight thing in one of the point, but it's making me embarrassed.

Ah, and there you go, pukes of updates.