A Letter to Facebook

Dear Facebook,

You're great, and I have enjoyed your service for years now. I have to say that so far I've been really pleased with you. You're tentative, caring, fast, and very helpful.

You know everything about me, from my date of birth to my sexuality to my political reference, and I guess that makes us good friends at least.

You probably know too that I haven't been seeing anyone since, well, I don't know, April. But I'm completely okay and thus, I don't need to meet new men. I get it that you only want the best for me, and I really appreciate your concern, but I am not in any way lonely to resort to your suggestion to go on a Speed Date.

You gave me a list of the men you thought I might fancy. There's Matthew, Christopher and Malcolm, just to mention a few. And wow, you even said I can just click away to view more men! The trouble you went just to compile this list. I'm impressed. Maybe you matched our religious view or something.

But anyhow, although we are good friends, we're not that close. So can we please leave my love life to rest? I assure you that our relationship is perfect at it is, when I do all the talking and you're just there listening. It works best that way, don't you think?

Glad we have that straightened out.