The Morning Snooze

The other night after a long day at the office, I settled in on the couch to watch a movie when my doorbell rang. There, standing in the dark shadows was a large, intimidating man selling subscriptions for the Springdale Morning News.

It is no secret that the Morning News is not really a newspaper about news in Springdale. The front page today is about a lady that moved from Cincinnati to Fayetteville. That's right, Fayetteville. The online edition isn't any better: Houston man relocates to Arkansas. Exciting stuff, no doubt.

I did learn that the city's No Knock Ordinance is as useless as the local paper. According to Ordinance 82-1:
Prior to engaging in the practice of peddling or soliciting at private residences, all persons must first obtain a copy of the list of residents who desire no peddling or soliciting at their private residence. Any peddler or solicitor who contacts any owner or owners, occupant or occupants of said private residences who are on the list, shall be in violation of this section.
After contacting the newspaper and the authorities I quickly found out what the punishment is for violating the ordinance. Section 1-9 claims:
...a person convicted of a violation of this Code shall be punished by a fine not exceeding $1,000.00, or double such sum for each repetition thereof...
There is no punishment for a violation. Not even a slap on the wrist. What I did get was an obnoxious phone call from someone at the Morning News who advised me it is their "constitutional right" to send Guido out to peddle their rag door to door regardless of any list the city clerk keeps. The man told me they partner with the city and the police department and the police are sick of people calling them about this! Besides, he said people move a lot and the new residents probably don't want to be on the no knock list.


Our local paper is a waste of time and trees unless you can't live without knowing where the Chamber of Commerce and Mayor are traveling this week.