Today I finished up a long-overdue proposal (mostly because I’ve been kinda slacking, but pstt, this is just between you and me), and as I drew a relieved sigh, I glanced at the bottom of the page and almost exclaimed unattractively. Holy cow! 17 pages! Seventeen frikkin pages! My words in all their glory..all 17 pages worth of ‘em, in fact.
And yet, I have abandoned this space for a lot longer than I should. And I thought writing leisurely has always been therapeutical! No wonder I’m so stressed with work lately. I just don’t channel the stress the right way.
(Well, I’ve been spending a lot of time with dearie and that should be a stress-free method too, right? Although, every time we do, we stay out late, which results in me not getting enough sleep and probably being even more tired and stressed out the following morning. Oh shit.)
Well anyway. It wasn’t until earlier when my friend said that she hasn’t been visiting my blog recently and I was like, “Err. You’re probably not missing out much since I hardly update it.”
But then as soon as I said it, I felt really, really sad.
No kidding! This really did make me feel sad. There was a point of time I could write my blog every day with anything and everything, and now I can’t even muster a single post because:
I don’t know what to write
I don’t have the time to write
I’m always feeling uninspired
And somehow these three reasons don’t make me feel better at all.
As if it’s not bad enough that I’m losing the motivation to write, I seem to lose my otherwise brilliant, witty writing personality as well. Without it, what else do I have?
I better tell my boyfriend right away. He should know what he’s getting himself into. I’m no longer the bright and creative soul he once knew and loved.
It’s sad that I could churn up 17 pages worth of words (albeit, probably not very interesting), but I couldn’t even do a single post.
Ladies and gentlemen, what has this world become?
Hm. See? Even now I’m struggling to find something interesting to say. Do I talk about the recent awesome weekend I had with dearie when we went to watch Lion King the Musical and Harry Potter on IMAX? About how emotional I was during the scene when Harry realized he had to die, until I could feel tears forming in my eyes, and then feel slightly embarrassed about it, because. Oh well, you just don’t cry from seeing Harry Potter. You just don’t. I’m already a sissy as it is.
Ah yes. I guess I could talk about that. Or maybe I could touch a bit about how last week during work I had to sing a song in front of everyone..alone? Imagine the horror. And about how after that ‘incident’, my colleague made a poster that read “Christina, we believe! The next Singapore Idol!” and pasted it on the wall. He’s forgetting that I’m not even a Singaporean but of course no one really gave a rat’s ass about it.
What about the weekend before that when we went to Universal Studio and had a great evening reminiscing being a kid, taking rollercoasters and screaming on the top of our lungs like there was no tomorrow? (oh wait. That was just me. See, I told ya I’m a sissy.)
Or maaaaybe. I could write about my Italy adventure?
THERE! It’s not like I have nothing to write. Now I recognize the core of the problem.
I’m just a lazy ass.
Now I can go back to thinking that deep down I’m still very much witty, adorable, smart and all those traits are just waiting to burst out in the open again real, real soon! Yay! Now my boyfriend will love me again!